I don't hear the PAN PAN-guy shouting in the streets in the mornings anymore. He was actually my alarm clock while I was there...never failed, every morning at 7am he would cycle past our house and shout: PAN PAN!!! (bread) and sometimes in the evenings too, when sitting at the dinner table we would all repeat after him PAN PAN!!! and have our laughs and giggles. I miss that. I don't get the "Hello lady, you want tuktuk?" at every street corner, I don't get to bargain with funny Cambodians anymore. I don't get to randomly talk to strangers on the street and feel normal about it anymore. If you do that here it feels awkward. I don't get to use the little Khmer I learned in discussions anymore except for teaching people how to cheer in Khmer: Choll Moy!
Even though Cambodia is a very poor country and that injustice strikes you everywhere, I was fortunate to enjoy a comfortable living and the everyday obligations that I usually have back home were not tormenting my daily activities. I had to work, but then I was off and could do things. Life is very laid back there and I think I'm going to miss the stress-free environment I grew accustomed to. What I like there is that you can be your own person, you do not have to take on a role, people make you feel important and include you in a lot of their own activities.Reflecting over it I find it is amazing just how much I have been able to do in two months there. Not only have I traveled around the country and seen many amazing things but I have lived there, taken a part in Cambodian life, worked in a different country of which I knew very little when I first got there. I have met many amazing people whose kindness I will always remember.
I mean how do you explain to people how 2 months in Cambodia was? It was great. But there is so much that I can say but it is too overwhelming to just throw it out in a discussion. This is why I started this blog so that people could follow me and be up to date with what I was doing there. It was my travel diary which I can always go back to and read if I am feeling "homesick". I will definitely miss the people there, my kids at the orphanage, my newly acquired habits, our cook and the nice moments with the girls in the apartment.
I'm afraid to be back, just the thought of having to use a knife again to cut my meat was terrifying enough (we ate meat with forks and spoons...). I feel like I've changed in many ways. Gaining in self confidence, knowing that I am able to adapt rapidly in new and different cultures, I know that I can't just simply go back to the life I knew before. Not now that I've seen what so many people lack, and especially I cannot forget about my kids at the orphanage. They will be with me forever. I want to go back, I want to keep helping, I just need to figure out how the best way to do it.
Now that I am back, all the responsibilities and obligations resume; finding a job, making a living, and slowly but surely moving on from this incredible experience I've been lucky to have. But one thing is for sure, I will always remember it; though time ran out faster than expected and though I wish I could have done more, I have realized that the impact of this trip will stay with me forever. I look at this experience a bit like lightening: It lasts only a moment, only to leave you with the memory of how grand and powerful it was.
Some last photos of the little ones I will keep in my heart forever:
The water filters and new cups we bought for CFC
My sunshine with my sunglasses
Bye bye Cambodia, I will miss you!
